Why I kept my last name after marriage

Tata, my last name, is a link to my ancestral history (I’m sort of related to the “Tata” family, (cool, I know) but it also holds the history of my life—every step, turn , pause and bump, marked under my name.

As a kid, I was nicknamed “Tatu” by my classmates on the playground and with numerous other relationships throughout my life, many referred to my last name to call out to me.

What I’m trying to say is that my last name is a huge part of my identity, reiterated with every family tree, introduction, signature and ID.

So when I got engaged, the question of changing my last name came up, simply because I was a woman marrying a man. I thought the answer was an obvious nope.

Society, ofcourse , disagrees.

Looking back, I can’t believe that I put so much work into my defense for retaining my.own.name.

Strike one for me was researching the practice in itself— why did women change their last names after marriage? In simple terms, what I learned in my research is that women were considered the property of their fathers, so naturally when ownership changed (from the father to the husband), her last name was changed to reflect this change.

Strike two was some of my loved ones’ responses. Well meaning individuals asked me if I had “talked to my fiancé,” about my refusal to change my last name. Why the hell did I need his permission? I was told he might be insulted that I would not be following the age-old practice, which only infuriated me— why would I marry a man who took it personally that I did not want to change my identity for him?

Strike three actually came after the wedding. The many gifts addressed to “Mr. & Mrs. Petiwala,” written under the assumption that I had somehow changed overnight really sealed the deal. More than ever, I was fueled to fight to retain my own name.

Even now, two years into the marriage, I often have to explain my.own.name.

I definitely don’t judge ANYONE that chooses to adopt their spouse’s last names, there are numerous reasons why this still makes sense. The key word here though is, “chooses.”

For me and the lifelong relationship I’ve had with my last name, the choice was not changing it. No ifs or buts about it.

There are many misconceptions about limitations with paperwork and property for women that chose not to change their names after their nuptials. Most of it is crap. Simply speaking, just remember, it is your marriage certificate that proves your marriage, not the change in name.

And whether you keep your name or change it, the choice must always be yours.