6 life lessons my grandfather taught me before he passed away

Pictured is Shanaya and Jal Tata

I was a 23 year old, very American gal, who had just graduated college.

I decided to take a trip to Bombay to visit my grandfather. After my grandmother had passed away a couple of years before, he stopped visiting us in the United States, determined to live out the rest of his years in the home he built with his beloved wife.

All of us on the paternal side of my family have many memories in this home, especially considering our family has occupied the same 800 sq. ft. apartment for 60 years, collectively. Infact, I was raised by my grandparents here— I was born in New York,but my grandparents took charge when I turned 8 months old, up until I was 12.

While each of us eventually went on to lead individual lives, we moved around a lot. The only constant was this home in India.

One particular evening during my visit, I was in the blue- and -white- tiled vintage bathroom when my father called me from Pennsylvania. I was nearing the end of my trip to Mumbai, so the intention of the call was to prepare for my return.

“I can’t leave him,” I remember blurting out , just a couple of milliseconds into the call. Before my father could even digest what I said, I knew in my heart that I had already decided what I was going to do.

I wasn’t living with my parents at the time, so as soon as my return flight landed, I headed to my place in Washington, D.C. and transported all my belongings to their house. I then booked a one way ticket to India. 20 days later, I was back in the homeland with no plan, just that I’d take care of Papa.

The next two years that followed were nothing short of a fairy tale. Papa and I had a special bond from the day I was born, so living together again was as natural as breathing. However, he was already in his late 80’s, with a failing heart and our time together was about accepting the end of his life. Making sure the time he had left was lived in dignity, with a lot of laughs and a ton of fun.

It wasn’t easy—I was his full time caretaker and we were frequent flyers to the I.C.U. He had multiple cardiac episodes, degenerative spinal disease and a non functioning bladder. Most times, his medical reports were so alarming that no doctor could explain how he was still breathing. And yet, just because we had each other, we had the time of our lives.

Papa is my greatest love. He was my 24/7, 365 days a year. Although providing palliative care to a dying man, especially in my early 20’s, was the hardest thing I’ll ever do, it was also the best thing I could have ever done.

Everyday was a blessing, and while many credited me for saving his life, it was him that saved mine. I learned who I am through this journey with Papa. I learned how I want to live the rest of my life.

And in the end, Papa spent his last moments in the home that he built with his wife, on his own bed, in my arms, on my chest. It was heartbreakingly beautiful… his last gift to me.

I’ve had the humbling experience of seeing first hand what death looks like. And while that sounds like an extremely morbid ordeal, ironically, it had quite the opposite effect on me. While truly revealing what all I learned would require writing several books, I wanted to take the time to share a few things…

6 life lessons my grandfather taught me before he passed away—

1. Keep a routine.

Life is hard and many things aren’t in our control, but your routine and the discipline with which you keep up with it, can often provide the stability you need even in the darkest of times.

2. Keep moving.

Even when he lost the ability to walk, he made sure to keep up with his physical therapy. He also loved to flex his biceps, showing off the little but solid globes. He credited an active and healthy body with giving him the strength to withstand his physical ailments.

3. Keep learning.

He was always inquisitive, read the newspaper from cover to cover everyday and once asked me what “tweeter” was. Curiosity kept his mind sharp, and I firmly believe it was his mind that kept him alive when his body was failing him.

4. In the end you remember places and people, nothing else.

I know this sounds cliché but it’s really true. Every afternoon when we ate lunch together, Papa flooded me with stories. Almost all of them were about my grandmother, his children, his grandchildren ,other relatives, his friends and all the many places he had the chance to visit. He rarely spoke about his job, material accomplishments or any of the trivial things we tend to stress about throughout our lives. All that mattered in the end, was the people he loved and the memories he made with them.

5. Be yourself.

No matter how ordinary, odd, different, simple or out of the box, Papa firmly believed I (and everyone else) should be free to be exactly who we are. To deny ourselves that would be a sin. And if anyone tried to come in between that, he encouraged the fight to stand up for yourself. No matter what it takes.

6. Love is our greatest superpower.

On some days, I would know something was wrong even when doctors didn’t. I could organize the 20+ pills he was taking daily, with my eyes closed. Even with similar body weights, I could carry him if he had fallen or was having a cardiac episode. I knew exactly what to do through every scary moment. I had the innate ability to make decisions for him that would save his life over and over, until he was ready to go.
This was possible not because I’m special. It’s because I love him. Papa was and is the love of my life and that made me tap into my greatest potential.

The truth is, we’re all dying. We’ll all get there when our time is up.

So no matter where you come from or what you’ve been through, you deserve to live and lead a life of honesty and kindness, that’s abundant with happiness and a lot of love. Everything else just doesn’t matter.

My Papa taught me so.