Cumming: Solo vs. Sex
My first orgasm was on a school night. In my bed. By myself.
I think I was around 16 years old when I experienced the phenomenon for the first time.The incident began out of curiosity, but quickly led to moments of complete bliss. It was mind bending.
Honestly, I’d already had sex long before discovering my own pleasure. Before my fingers found the doorway to paradise, I thought sex was completely overrated. Reflecting on the many incidents of pretending I was enjoying myself now, I wish I had known better.
It’s estimated that 70 percent of women don’t have regular orgasms during vaginal sex. According to another study, 80 percent of women even admitted to faking an orgasm.
The truth is, for vulva owning people, orgasms are much harder to receive. Some women go their whole lives without an orgasm. And those who do, often find it easier to get to the big O while flying solo.
So why is it harder for a vulva to cum with a partner?
It turns out, many people with vulvas find it hard to achieve a climax with just “penis-in-vagina-sex.” Here are some of the top reasons why:
- We need variety. Many people with vulvas need a combination of sexual stimulation, including touching and rubbing the clitoris, involving the g spot, oral sex, etc.
- We don’t know what we like. With female sexual pleasure still considered taboo in society, a lot of vulva owners have no idea about their own pleasure.
- We lack communication. With the lack of knowledge about our own sexy preferences, we are not able to communicate what feels good to our partners, either.
- We can’t relax. While this applies to everyone, vulva owners, especially, can have their orgasms linked to their emotions. If the setting or mood does not allow complete relaxation, it may inhibit reaching a climax.
So with that in mind, what makes flying solo more pleasurable for many vulva owners?
The sex advice section on Cosmo says, “The climaxes you give yourself are more dynamic because you’re completely in control of your pleasure.” In other words, when done correctly, your entire focus is on you, yourself and your pleasure, leading to that cross over the edge. You’re not really worrying about anything but your own enjoyment while masturbating.
How can you make sex with your partner better?
The simplest way–communicate.
Use your alone time for self discovery, figure out what you like and what doesn’t really do it for you. Figure out your pleasure. And teach your partner how to do it for you, with you.
When getting intimate with your lover, both of you deserve to enjoy yourselves. Sex is not just about sticking it in– it requires a little more tlc than that.
And whether its with sex or solo, we should all own our pleasure, a lot more. I mean cum on…;)