Dating as a queer person in India – An excerpt of a conversation

“I found dating apps extremely helpful around the time that I had just come out,” says Raven (name changed), when telling me what it is like to date as a queer individual in India. Raven is an Actor in Mumbai and has been out as queer for 6 years.    

“Post pandemic I have been trying to date in the real world and not online—it gets a little tricky because as I approach them I’m not always sure if they are queer. Navigating through that has been quite a challenge!

Infact, even on apps I have faced multiple interactions where the person is just on the app but isn’t queer. On a serious note, there isn’t an actual dating app solely for lesbians.

Everyone comes out at different times of their lives and I feel like I’m at a space in my dating life where taking on the responsibility of a baby dyke(someone who has freshly come out) is not something I need to take on. Somehow the onus of the relationship and how it’s going to flow will fall on me. I feel like this specific problem doesn’t happen in heteronomous relationships,” Raven added.

“When dating someone who is not cis we have to keep in mind that dysphoria might be a concern for a lot of people. Open conversation and consent allows us a safe place to have pleasurable sex,” says Raven, who continued to tell me that people who have gone through surgery talk about their body pre surgery and post surgery before getting intimate. Additionally, because of the diversity of queer individuals everyone navigates this space differenty. 

“Being queer taught me how to love myself first. The concept of my own body is different for me in a good way, I respect it more. Being queer is about being self aware and that is quite the journey.

The queer community stands for love and as a queer person falling in love is like a dream come true. It’s beautiful. My concept of love and family has changed for me in incredible ways. 

The other day on a dating app there was a question, ‘What is your real life super power?’ 

Mine would be that I’m queer,”  Raven beamed.